Red Ogre
WARBOW!!!
On the 2x2 matrix of happy/sad/alone/coupled I've had all the combinations. I'll take any other condition as long as I can keep the clinical depression locked in the cellar. Relationships are nice, but mental health is nicer.
The Relationship Overshare Thread
- Thread starter altcunningham
- Start date
Red Ogre
WARBOW!!!
I met my best and oldest friend when I was 18, working my first job in a grocery store (Food-4-Less). We hit it off immediately. I remember the first night I went over to his apartment we talked comic books and movies and cartoons and sci-fi and cryptids and mythology and at some point I thought someone left their car lights on because light was coming in under the vertical blinds in the living room... Nope. That's the sun.
Another coworker pulled me aside a week later to say, "You know Bret's gay, right? Look how he dresses."
I didn't believe him because black jeans, black motorcycle boots, red tuxedo shirt, black leather duster, and a black wide-brimmed hat with a purple feather looked badass. Ain't no way a guy that dresses like that can be gay.
(In Morgan Freeman's voice, "He was super-fucking gay.)
DarthDre758
Choking on Bartman
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Like in the Joe thread, I'm just jumping in and not rereading four or so pages of posts, but I get the general idea of what's going on.
My oldest son is 25. He's my wife's son from a previous relationship. I've been with her since he was 2, so I'm the only father figure he's ever known. He just got out of a relationship, and moved back home "for a little while". I put that in quotes because he's always had such grand ideas, but never has followed through. He wants save up to buy a house, but always has packages showing up at the house. He says he did all the cleaning with his ex, but his clothes are spread all over the basement (it's partially finished and my younger two go down there to play). He has a good job (mechanic for the town), but is eating everyone else's food. When he moved back in, my wife told him we weren't going to have the same issues we had before he moved out with food and drink stuff all over the basement. I've found four Pop-tart wrappers, wrappers from snacks we bought specifically for my daughter. Last week my two other sons were playing around down there (Nerf war), and a half full beer can was knocked over. The older one texted me about it. I told him to text Mom and tell her. He did, and I never heard anything from her about it. He told me he plans on being out by Spring...but didn't specify what year. Over the weekend my sis-in law called him a "Forever Manchild" which my wife got mad about. Sorry...but she has a point. Right now he pays his car payment, and insurance, and his phone bill. Yeah, those can add up, but he's making at least $25+ an hour and works constant overtime. I keep asking him about getting a storage unit, because our garage is his current storage unit. The snow is coming, and I'm done asking. After the first big snowfall where my wife's car isn't put in the garage, she should have something to say...but probably not.
My oldest son is 25. He's my wife's son from a previous relationship. I've been with her since he was 2, so I'm the only father figure he's ever known. He just got out of a relationship, and moved back home "for a little while". I put that in quotes because he's always had such grand ideas, but never has followed through. He wants save up to buy a house, but always has packages showing up at the house. He says he did all the cleaning with his ex, but his clothes are spread all over the basement (it's partially finished and my younger two go down there to play). He has a good job (mechanic for the town), but is eating everyone else's food. When he moved back in, my wife told him we weren't going to have the same issues we had before he moved out with food and drink stuff all over the basement. I've found four Pop-tart wrappers, wrappers from snacks we bought specifically for my daughter. Last week my two other sons were playing around down there (Nerf war), and a half full beer can was knocked over. The older one texted me about it. I told him to text Mom and tell her. He did, and I never heard anything from her about it. He told me he plans on being out by Spring...but didn't specify what year. Over the weekend my sis-in law called him a "Forever Manchild" which my wife got mad about. Sorry...but she has a point. Right now he pays his car payment, and insurance, and his phone bill. Yeah, those can add up, but he's making at least $25+ an hour and works constant overtime. I keep asking him about getting a storage unit, because our garage is his current storage unit. The snow is coming, and I'm done asking. After the first big snowfall where my wife's car isn't put in the garage, she should have something to say...but probably not.
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That sounds so much like my sister. When she says she can't afford to move out what she really means is she can't afford to move out and continue to buy like she does now. Once when I mentioned it to her she had the nerve to mention that I was always buying action figures to which I responded "yeah but I'm also always paying a mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc". I sure wouldn't be doing that living at home mooching off our parents.
DarthDre758
Choking on Bartman
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My other Sis-in law has always told her kids they can come back home to live.
I don't want to be like her.
I don't want to be like her.
Chooch555
Kirkland Signature Airbender
My wife has two kids that were 8 and 3 when we got married 12 years ago. The now 20 year old moved out last year in with her boyfriend that ended poorly/violently. She was welcome back at her house, but couldn't bring her cat (I'm deathly allergic) so my wife co-signed a lease for her without my knowledge. The lease is the same our mortgage.
joshsquash729
Born on the cob
Man, do we all have the same sister, because a lot of yours sounds like mine! 
She's 36, with a now 17 year old kiddo, and her choice in men is....interesting, to say the least. She unfortunately always falls for the big, burly country type guy; not quiiiite the kind you see in profiled pictures wearing sunglasses and hats in their trucks, but not too far off. A lot of them have been in the army in the past and either have some lingering mental issues or are just total schmucks. Half of them have been passively homophobic to me and my boyfriend. But she loves them and makes every excuse for them. I see how shitty they are, my poor Mom (who lives in the same house and, because of her physical disabilities, relies on my sister for a lot, is subject to all my sister's drama and can't do a darn thing about it) also sees how shitty they are, but my sister shuts her down the second she tries to bring it up. My Dad was a piece of shit alcoholic abuser, and my Mom is seeing a lot of the same early signs in my sister's boyfriends, especially her current one, but my sister's got her love blinders on.
Her current boyfriend got out of the army maybe a year and a half ago. The plan was it was going to be his last tour- he's been in for either 20 or 25 years now, has like 5 or 6 kids of his own, and so he was gonna take the pension, retire, get a house somewhere to get his kids away from their shitty Mom (I tell ya, my sister's drama always has so many layers, it would make an onion jealous). Apparently he was supposed to meet certain requirements upon getting out to start getting the pension, which I don't think he's done yet. He mooches off my sister for rides since he doesn't have a car of his own. He'll invite himself over to the house, often just by walking in unannounced. My sister, who's the one who cooks, can often spend an hour or more making dinner for everyone, and more often than not, as soon as it's ready, he'll take one look at it and say he's gonna go get fast food somewhere. Last holiday season she even let him move in to the house (her room is in the basement), and hadn't run it by my Mom at all. Thank god it was only a temporary thing and he's since moved out (and moved back in his with his ex/baby mama). Helen Keller could see all the red flags this guy's got going on, but because he calls my sister pretty and spends time with her and her kiddo, she's head over heels for him.
I do love my sister, of course, but she's hard to root for sometimes. She and I each took after one of our parents moreso than the other, and she definitely took after my dad. Not her fault, of course, but she also makes no strides to better herself. She's very quick to anger and outbursts, she won't take responsibility for any wrongdoing and hides behind lies (the amount of times she's made my poor Mom feel crazy by saying "I told you X thing a couple days ago" when caught in a lie is absurd, honestly). She has a job as a school crossing guard which, while she loves it and the kids love her, doesn't pay well and she only works a handful of hours a week, but she has no desire to look for anything better. She does help my Mom with a lot of things- she's there to pick her up when her legs give out, etc., but there's so much around the house that she doesn't do- things that clearly need to be done- and because of that, my Mom just ends up doing them and hurting herself more. My Mom, who's practically made of glass at this point, has to park in the driveway or the street because my sister has claimed the garage, which, especially in the winter, when my Mom is in constant pain, is such a hassle for her. My Mom pays for most of the things around the house; my sister pays for food because she's on food stamps, but almost everything else is my Mom's money. She is in therapy, but refuses to take any sort of medication for her issues because she took one medication one time and it gave her a slightly bad reaction. But she also just doesn't think she has any issues. It's maddening. And I feel like that's just half the story; I'd probably crash the forum mentioning all the other layers to the story.
While I'm certainly sorry that others are dealing with their share of family drama, it does make me feel slightly better knowing I'm not the only one with a hard-to-handle sister. And all of this is on top of my nibling (my sister's kiddo- their preferred term, since they're non-binary), who just started dating for the first time as well. I love them to death, and I'm happy they're happy, but man, looking at young love from an older, more experienced standpoint, and knowing full well I was just as cringe-inducingly sappy with things before life made me jaded; it's both slightly painful and lovely to see. I hope they never lose that wide-eyed optimism, but the odds are against them, poor thing.
She's 36, with a now 17 year old kiddo, and her choice in men is....interesting, to say the least. She unfortunately always falls for the big, burly country type guy; not quiiiite the kind you see in profiled pictures wearing sunglasses and hats in their trucks, but not too far off. A lot of them have been in the army in the past and either have some lingering mental issues or are just total schmucks. Half of them have been passively homophobic to me and my boyfriend. But she loves them and makes every excuse for them. I see how shitty they are, my poor Mom (who lives in the same house and, because of her physical disabilities, relies on my sister for a lot, is subject to all my sister's drama and can't do a darn thing about it) also sees how shitty they are, but my sister shuts her down the second she tries to bring it up. My Dad was a piece of shit alcoholic abuser, and my Mom is seeing a lot of the same early signs in my sister's boyfriends, especially her current one, but my sister's got her love blinders on.Her current boyfriend got out of the army maybe a year and a half ago. The plan was it was going to be his last tour- he's been in for either 20 or 25 years now, has like 5 or 6 kids of his own, and so he was gonna take the pension, retire, get a house somewhere to get his kids away from their shitty Mom (I tell ya, my sister's drama always has so many layers, it would make an onion jealous). Apparently he was supposed to meet certain requirements upon getting out to start getting the pension, which I don't think he's done yet. He mooches off my sister for rides since he doesn't have a car of his own. He'll invite himself over to the house, often just by walking in unannounced. My sister, who's the one who cooks, can often spend an hour or more making dinner for everyone, and more often than not, as soon as it's ready, he'll take one look at it and say he's gonna go get fast food somewhere. Last holiday season she even let him move in to the house (her room is in the basement), and hadn't run it by my Mom at all. Thank god it was only a temporary thing and he's since moved out (and moved back in his with his ex/baby mama). Helen Keller could see all the red flags this guy's got going on, but because he calls my sister pretty and spends time with her and her kiddo, she's head over heels for him.
I do love my sister, of course, but she's hard to root for sometimes. She and I each took after one of our parents moreso than the other, and she definitely took after my dad. Not her fault, of course, but she also makes no strides to better herself. She's very quick to anger and outbursts, she won't take responsibility for any wrongdoing and hides behind lies (the amount of times she's made my poor Mom feel crazy by saying "I told you X thing a couple days ago" when caught in a lie is absurd, honestly). She has a job as a school crossing guard which, while she loves it and the kids love her, doesn't pay well and she only works a handful of hours a week, but she has no desire to look for anything better. She does help my Mom with a lot of things- she's there to pick her up when her legs give out, etc., but there's so much around the house that she doesn't do- things that clearly need to be done- and because of that, my Mom just ends up doing them and hurting herself more. My Mom, who's practically made of glass at this point, has to park in the driveway or the street because my sister has claimed the garage, which, especially in the winter, when my Mom is in constant pain, is such a hassle for her. My Mom pays for most of the things around the house; my sister pays for food because she's on food stamps, but almost everything else is my Mom's money. She is in therapy, but refuses to take any sort of medication for her issues because she took one medication one time and it gave her a slightly bad reaction. But she also just doesn't think she has any issues. It's maddening. And I feel like that's just half the story; I'd probably crash the forum mentioning all the other layers to the story.
While I'm certainly sorry that others are dealing with their share of family drama, it does make me feel slightly better knowing I'm not the only one with a hard-to-handle sister.
And all of this is on top of my nibling (my sister's kiddo- their preferred term, since they're non-binary), who just started dating for the first time as well. I love them to death, and I'm happy they're happy, but man, looking at young love from an older, more experienced standpoint, and knowing full well I was just as cringe-inducingly sappy with things before life made me jaded; it's both slightly painful and lovely to see. I hope they never lose that wide-eyed optimism, but the odds are against them, poor thing.
TheGillMan
Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
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Well, some of your sisters sound like my daughter. I raised her to be tough-as-nails, and to never take shit from any dude. In pretty much every relationship, that has been the case...except for one. She has had an on-again, off-again, relationship with a waste of sperm-and-egg abusive piece of excrement that I cannot stand. A few years back she had a great job at a law firm, and was absolutely loved there by her bosses and her coworkers. She worked her way up from a receptionist to an event coordinator, and was making good money (far more than I am making). I was extremely proud of her, as she was really living her best life. Then, this loser comes into her life. At first, he seemed decent enough, but I later found out a lot that he was hiding from the world. He was from a wealthy family, and worked for his family business (which he later got fired from...yeah, his own family gave him the boot because his performance was so terrible they couldn't risk the liability any longer of keeping him). She had moved in with this scumbag, and I noticed that she was rarely calling me but I chalked it up to her being busy. One day, my daughter just up and quit her job...no warning or anything, just quits. She told her mom (my ex wife) that she was experiencing extreme anxiety and couldn't handle the job anymore, but swore she had another gig lined up (she never even told me she had left her job. If it weren't for my ex telling me I wouldn't have known). She then would work occasional gigs as a pet-sitter, but that was about it.
On my birthday two years back, she showed up at my sister's for my birthday dinner with her best friend. It was the first time I'd seen her in months, as she didn't even drop by to see me at Christmas. She tells me she has broken up with this guy, and starts telling me everything...about how he was an abusive asshole with a massive coke habit. Her best friend fills me in on even more details, like how the guy would physically abuse her and gaslight her all the time. He had deliberately isolated her from her family and most of her friends, and it just explained so much about her bizarre behavior, but I was BAFFLED that she would ever take that kind of shit from any dude. As I said, I raised her to be tough with guys, and her heroes were Princess Leia and Wonder Woman...I couldn't fathom how she ever accepted this kind of behavior.
For a few months, I was hearing from her regularly, and then suddenly the calls stopped, and she didn't drop by my place anymore. My son informs me that she is back with the creep. WTF? This goes on for the next couple of years, with a couple of break-ups here and there. About three months ago, she suddenly moves back in with her mom again, and I hear she finally left the guy after he threatened to THROW HER OFF HIS BALCONY AND CLAIM SHE HAD COMMITTED SUICIDE! I'm thinking this is it...she is FINALLY done with this asshole! A month later, she is back with him again. At this point, I don't even know what to say anymore. Last week my son said she had left again, but I can't get my hopes up that it will stick. I hate to say it, but I keep hoping I'll hear news he got killed in a drug deal gone bad or something. As a father, I want to beat this dick to a bloody pulp, but I know that will only make things worse for everyone.
Oh, and I should mention though it will surprise no one...the dude is apparently a MAGA/Qanon nutbag who says stupid shit like "the moon landing is fake" and "Covid was a hoax". As if I needed another reason to hate this turd.
On my birthday two years back, she showed up at my sister's for my birthday dinner with her best friend. It was the first time I'd seen her in months, as she didn't even drop by to see me at Christmas. She tells me she has broken up with this guy, and starts telling me everything...about how he was an abusive asshole with a massive coke habit. Her best friend fills me in on even more details, like how the guy would physically abuse her and gaslight her all the time. He had deliberately isolated her from her family and most of her friends, and it just explained so much about her bizarre behavior, but I was BAFFLED that she would ever take that kind of shit from any dude. As I said, I raised her to be tough with guys, and her heroes were Princess Leia and Wonder Woman...I couldn't fathom how she ever accepted this kind of behavior.
For a few months, I was hearing from her regularly, and then suddenly the calls stopped, and she didn't drop by my place anymore. My son informs me that she is back with the creep. WTF? This goes on for the next couple of years, with a couple of break-ups here and there. About three months ago, she suddenly moves back in with her mom again, and I hear she finally left the guy after he threatened to THROW HER OFF HIS BALCONY AND CLAIM SHE HAD COMMITTED SUICIDE! I'm thinking this is it...she is FINALLY done with this asshole! A month later, she is back with him again. At this point, I don't even know what to say anymore. Last week my son said she had left again, but I can't get my hopes up that it will stick. I hate to say it, but I keep hoping I'll hear news he got killed in a drug deal gone bad or something. As a father, I want to beat this dick to a bloody pulp, but I know that will only make things worse for everyone.
Oh, and I should mention though it will surprise no one...the dude is apparently a MAGA/Qanon nutbag who says stupid shit like "the moon landing is fake" and "Covid was a hoax". As if I needed another reason to hate this turd.
Ru1977
The Irishman
Well, everyone has their own story and obviously there's no template, but if it helps even a little bit... I was with my most notorious ex, on and off, for four years. She shattered my ego and without me noticing made me utterly dependent on her despite stringing me along and breaking up with me every few months then convincing me to take her back. It was so bad that my mom and her best friend, both of whom lived across the country at the time, discussed having her killed. An aunt got wind of that and offered to contribute money to that. Ultimately, there came a point where I realized I was fucking miserable. This was when I was in therapy and on wellbutrin and I decided I needed to just get away from everything and move to where my mom lived at the time. What happened instead was one of my best friends was a freelance cameraman for documentary shows and he was working on an A&E series that had gotten a big order for their next season which meant taking on more crew and he offered me a soundman position. That meant being on the road for 28 days every month, traveling all over the country, spending most of my time around killers, rapists, and victims of rapists and/or their families, but the money was really great. And my girlfriend at the time REALLY didn't want me to do this, but I promised her (and I think I meant it at the time, because I was hesitant to take this on) that if it got to be too much, I would give notice. After a month of being away from her, I really snapped out of it and told her I couldn't be with her anymore. She FLIPPED. OUT. But I was in Texas at the time. Although, she did steal my cat. She had the cat declawed, but beyond that I think the cat had a decent life though it's something I still deeply regret letting happen.
I actually started talking to another woman after we broke up and that didn't lead to anything but I realized... damn, I can be with someone else and it doesn't have to be terrifying or soul shattering. I did have a backslide for a little bit, but somehow my confidence working on that job was strong and she realized I wasn't the guy she wiped her feet on anymore. She even said "You aren't my Sean anymore."
So anyway, what sucks is it sounds like your daughter DOES get some distance here and there, and while I still am incapable of explaining why my ex had such a hold over me, I of course get that it happens. But whenever I watch the second season of Daredevil, Elektra always reminds me of her. Aside from the murder stuff. As far as I know, she didn't murder. Shit, I wonder if she is MAGA now...
I actually started talking to another woman after we broke up and that didn't lead to anything but I realized... damn, I can be with someone else and it doesn't have to be terrifying or soul shattering. I did have a backslide for a little bit, but somehow my confidence working on that job was strong and she realized I wasn't the guy she wiped her feet on anymore. She even said "You aren't my Sean anymore."
So anyway, what sucks is it sounds like your daughter DOES get some distance here and there, and while I still am incapable of explaining why my ex had such a hold over me, I of course get that it happens. But whenever I watch the second season of Daredevil, Elektra always reminds me of her. Aside from the murder stuff. As far as I know, she didn't murder. Shit, I wonder if she is MAGA now...
TheGillMan
Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
- Joined
- May 2, 2025
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- 638
Thank you for that, @Ru1977 ! I think what has kept me going is that I remember some bad relationships I have been in, and some that friends have been in, that eventually that moment of clarity arrived. I'm praying that day comes soon!
One of her best buds is a guy she has known since High School. He is former Army, and has really bonded with my son (who is also Army). I've gone out drinking with them a few times, and when he gets really drunk he tells me that if anything happens to her he's going to end the dude. I take some perverse delight in listening to his drunken rants about this scumbag. I kinda think the only reason this creep hasn't done anything too drastic with my daughter is he knows her buddy would likely retaliate in a way that wouldn't be too pleasant for him.
One of her best buds is a guy she has known since High School. He is former Army, and has really bonded with my son (who is also Army). I've gone out drinking with them a few times, and when he gets really drunk he tells me that if anything happens to her he's going to end the dude. I take some perverse delight in listening to his drunken rants about this scumbag. I kinda think the only reason this creep hasn't done anything too drastic with my daughter is he knows her buddy would likely retaliate in a way that wouldn't be too pleasant for him.
Ru1977
The Irishman
At least there is that! But still, it would be really wonderful if she could get that clarity. She HAS to see it when she's away for those times, but getting her to maintain that seems crucial.
TheGillMan
Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
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That's my thought as well. Keep hoping he'll wind up in jail for a lengthy stay so the time away will give her some perspective. That's unlikely though, since his dad is a retired cop who is well connected. He doesn't usually suffer any consequences for his actions.
Ru1977
The Irishman
FAWK! This guy is like a perfect storm.
TheGillMan
Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue
- Joined
- May 2, 2025
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- 638
Yep. He really is. My son and I were talking about it, and both of us couldn't help but see the parallels with the guy in the Gabby Petito case. My only hope is that, if shit really does go down, she kicks back into her default headstrong mode and gives the fucker the surprise of his life.
joshsquash729
Born on the cob
So sorry to hear you and her are going through that, Gill. I'm really wishing you both the best. There's that famous quote from Perks of being a Wallflower that I love- "We accept the love we think we deserve." While not always true, it does tend to at least play a part a lot of the time. Not saying it's anything you or anyone did- I know without a doubt that you're a damn good parent, but I can attest, for some reason, sometimes that's just not enough. My mom couldn't have done anything better or been more loving or accepting, yet there was still that part of me that felt unlovable for ages. Our brains are silly, scary things sometimes. But just keep showing her love- every time she breaks away from that dirtbag, she's gonna find a little bit more of her own strength and realize her self-worth and that there are people around who love her without having to hurt her. So often the dudes like that are just worthless, self-conscious little creeps who wouldn't hurt a fly but like to peacock around and look all tough. Unfortunately, we all know there are some dudes who do more, but we're not even gonna go there with this one. She'd fuck him up, and I know you probably would too. She's stronger than she knows for even breaking away as often as she has, and I hope you know you're stronger than you may realize for all your love and support.
Sorry for the super abrupt change of topic, but I'm just curious- Ru, I saw you said you were taking Wellbutrin. I just started the generic version myself, and it seems to be working mostly well, but I'm curious about your experience with it, if you're willing to share? No worries if not.
Sorry for the super abrupt change of topic, but I'm just curious- Ru, I saw you said you were taking Wellbutrin. I just started the generic version myself, and it seems to be working mostly well, but I'm curious about your experience with it, if you're willing to share? No worries if not.