Quitting/putting collecting on pause

Alt said:
One of my social hacks I used to use once I learned it made people open up or "like" me was playing dumb.

Just Cady Heron in math class with Aaron as they regale me with their expertise in Final Fantasy or X-Men.

Wrong.

No.

Not the first appearance

The limit break does not exist.

But I never really cared about correcting because to me I was just happy these people liked the thing. And then I would kind of shuffle in my own expertise and even figure out what kind of foil I should be for this person. Maybe that's masking. I never figured it out.

But that gets really old once you realize most people don't know what the hell they're talking about, and especially when the people who don't know what the hell they're talking about, act like they are the authority figure and use that as leverage against the people they deem lesser.

That I can't abide by.

I remember even in high school the same nerds that would complain that women didn't read comic books or like cartoons, as soon as we met one, instead of welcoming, it would just be this big gatekeeping checkpoint which eventually led to ridiculing and ostracizing.

And then without self-awareness they would wonder how come women didn't share these interests.

As example.
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This is a good point, and something that I've found myself adopting over the years as well. I don't think I was ever insufferable about it (but who knows), but I was definitely that kid that corrected people when they got nerdy facts wrong. It was never out of gatekeeping or "holier-than-thou", it was because I genuinely loved the thing and wanted to connect with someone on it and get them to love it and see it like I did.

As I've gotten older, I realized that it really doesn't matter if they get it wrong or not. The average joe doesn't care about or find it charming when you go Full Nerd on them- they see it as belittling or weird. Every now and then, if someone is still like waaaay off the mark, I may correct them, but thankfully I've learned more subtle or conversational ways of doing so. A lot of times, it comes down to interpretation, and I do genuinely love hearing why or how they got to the conclusion they did, especially if it helps me look at the thing in a new light. Unless they're just really dumb and it's a matter of media illiteracy, but that's a whole other discussion.

My favorite thing, rare as it may be, is when a nerd tries to belittle or one-up a woman in conversation and gets their ass handed to them. Ultimately, we all have our "thing" that we know more about than others, but it's all relative. Put your average nerd in a room with a bunch of sports bros and they're the odd man out. It really doesn't matter one way or the other what "level" fan a person is- what matters is that this thing you love spoke to someone else and gave you something to connect over.

I'll never understand the folks in the collecting world who gatekeep like that. Like....okay? You have more pieces of plastic or cardboard than me, so what? You were more irresponsible with your money, yay for you! Or, considering how much of it comes down to shoddy distribution and pure luck, that doesn't mean you're "better" than me. Especially when you employ a handful of your little lackeys to go track things down for you. That's not impressive. When I was a lot younger, I used to look at guys like that like they were super cool, but now I just go full Bane in that scene with Ben Mendelsohn- "And this gives you power over me?"

My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to join Reddit, and I just have no desire to. Every time I go on it just reminds me why I don't. It's confusing to use/look at, and just full of the worst people with the worst takes.
 
The older I get the easier it is for me to see things online that would have once got a reaction out of me and just pass on by. Especially when so much of social media is centered around getting a reaction, be it positive or negative.
 
I like to think that I'm smart enough now to tell when someone is genuinely curious or unsure of something, and when they're just trying to get a reaction out of me. I used to respond anyway, just to call them out or try to put them in their place, but I learned very quickly it's a fruitless endeavor. Like all the people I see nowadays wearing MAGA hats or Trump shirts in public (in NY of all places). They want a reaction from you, so the worst thing you can do to them is to just ignore them.
 
RicksNerdLife said:
Psh.

I still have empty shelves that don't have Tiny Toons, Freakzoid, Eek the Cat, Road Rovers, Doug, or Bobby's World action figures on them.

No one knows my pain.
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Duuuude...Tiny Toons would be epic, I haven't thought about that show in quite a while. Man, yeah lol

Doug and Rocco's Modern Life would be outstanding as well. Until recently I would have had Ducktales on here - it's criminal we don't have an articulated Gizmoduck yet - but I think Neca just announced them? Or showed them. Can't wait for those.
 
Misfit said:
The older I get the easier it is for me to see things online that would have once got a reaction out of me and just pass on by. Especially when so much of social media is centered around getting a reaction, be it positive or negative.
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Some of my biggest personal growth was the last six years where I finally killed that urge to respond to social media comments and other forums I'm no longer on. Like Josh says, came from a love and knowledge of the topic and an autistically naive belief that people actually want to learn and are engaging in good faith.

Very rarely, i will still type up some essay and then go. What the hell are you even doing and then just close it out. All too often people don't actually want a response, they just like shouting into the void.
 
My mother is hardcore MAGA. I'm talking trans hating (doesn't know any), Mexican hating (doesn't know any, AND loves going to Mexican restaurants), Liberal hating (son and daughter-in-law both serious Liberals), and recently tried telling me that Trump is more intelligent than Kamala and Obama combined (she voted for Obama twice).

She has always been incredibly racist, insanely homophobic, yet she collects minority "friends" to make herself look better, and then turns around and alienates them with her Facebook posts. She was "best friends" with a lesbian couple who have completely blocked her and want nothing to do with her.

The amount of times I have walked out of her home because of some abhorrent, atrociously insensitive thing she has said is innumerable. I even left her house in the middle of a Mother's Day visit.

A few years ago, during a report of a Hispanic father and his daughter who both drowned in a river trying to enter the country, she said the child deserved it. The President has multiple times used the R word--he literally just did today. My mother thinks it's funny.

My sister, her daughter, has Down Syndrome.

I do not speak to my mother anymore unless I must. And yet, some part of me always tries to reach her. I try my damndest to break her out of this spell and brainwashing, and educate her on all the things she gets wrong. I try to tell her the awfulness of the state of this country and what "her guy" has brought. And how her racism and transphobia are ugly traits to carry around.

But the last time we spoke about it, the time that I told her that I flat-out abhor the person she is and that I couldn't believe that she raised me, the time where SHE told me that she can't believe the man that I've become--the man who tells her all the things I mentioned above...

...I decided that *I* was shouting into the void. That she is too far gone. That she isn't worth the effort any longer. She isn't worth the frustration or personal mental health crash. Because there is no desire for growth, understanding, or change. She wants to remain ignorant. She enjoys the cruelty. She thinks the state of the world is awesome.

And there is no salvaging her. She is who she has always been. Thank God my Father is a loving and accepting man. He and I have a fantastic relationship. But with my mother, I find myself all too often doing the same thing: typing up essays, entire books, and deleting them because what the fuck is the point?
 
RicksNerdLife said:
My mother is hardcore MAGA. I'm talking trans hating (doesn't know any), Mexican hating (doesn't know any, AND loves going to Mexican restaurants), Liberal hating (son and daughter-in-law both serious Liberals), and recently tried telling me that Trump is more intelligent than Kamala and Obama combined (she voted for Obama twice).

She has always been incredibly racist, insanely homophobic, yet she collects minority "friends" to make herself look better, and then turns around and alienates them with her Facebook posts. She was "best friends" with a lesbian couple who have completely blocked her and want nothing to do with her.

The amount of times I have walked out of her home because of some abhorrent, atrociously insensitive thing she has said is innumerable. I even left her house in the middle of a Mother's Day visit.

A few years ago, during a report of a Hispanic father and his daughter who both drowned in a river trying to enter the country, she said the child deserved it. The President has multiple times used the R word--he literally just did today. My mother thinks it's funny.

My sister, her daughter, has Down Syndrome.

I do not speak to my mother anymore unless I must. And yet, some part of me always tries to reach her. I try my damndest to break her out of this spell and brainwashing, and educate her on all the things she gets wrong. I try to tell her the awfulness of the state of this country and what "her guy" has brought. And how her racism and transphobia are ugly traits to carry around.

But the last time we spoke about it, the time that I told her that I flat-out abhor the person she is and that I couldn't believe that she raised me, the time where SHE told me that she can't believe the man that I've become--the man who tells her all the things I mentioned above...

...I decided that *I* was shouting into the void. That she is too far gone. That she isn't worth the effort any longer. She isn't worth the frustration or personal mental health crash. Because there is no desire for growth, understanding, or change. She wants to remain ignorant. She enjoys the cruelty. She thinks the state of the world is awesome.

And there is no salvaging her. She is who she has always been. Thank God my Father is a loving and accepting man. He and I have a fantastic relationship. But with my mother, I find myself all too often doing the same thing: typing up essays, entire books, and deleting them because what the fuck is the point?
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Sounds a lot like my mother. She claims to "never watch the news, it's always just negative stuff" but somehow knows all of the MAGA buzzwords to toss around.

Couple of years back, my step-daughter (15 at the time) came out to us as a lesbian. She asked me how she was supposed to go to grandma's house...she absolutely adores her grandmother and the time they spend together, but she also knows what grandma thinks of "those people." I offered to sit down and talk to my mother about it for her, in the hope that she'd keep her mouth shut for her granddaughters sake, and my daughter agreed. I sat down with my mom and started the conversation, and I said "I need to have a serious talk with you, there's something I need to tell you about. Considering our political and religious differences, we thought you should have a heads up."

Her response? "Ohh, no. Don't tell me you're all...woke, or whatever."

So that was a great way to start it lol

Mrs. Smallville went completely no-contact with her family about 13 years ago. She says it's the best decision she's ever made, her family were terrible, terrible people. Since that time, her mother and father have both died and she didn't seem to be very bothered over either. I'm sorry to hear that you mother is difficult to work with in that regard, I'm happy to hear you've at least got your Dad to connect to.
 
I feel you both wholeheartedly. I know I've spoken before about how abhorrent most of my family is, aside from a few lovely folks, and my attempt to reconnect. Said reconnecting just so happened to coincide with Trump's first presidency and I sort of stupidly let my unresolved whatever guide me and make me overlook their flaws. Same with Biden's presidency; I mostly ignored the handful of chain emails I got every week spouting how he was the devil and all that, because I really wanted that sense of family. When they were learning about who I'd become in the time away, they spouted the whole "hate the sin, love the sinner" thing, and I stupidly tried to follow the same thing- they were unfortunately misguided, but I still loved them, and tried whenever I could to help them see the other side.

Well, that never happened. And it's only gotten worse in Trump's second term. There was never a concrete moment where I decided "no more", it just sort of happened. Communication more or less ceased (not that they were ever really the ones to initiate conversation- it was always quite one-sided). Every now and then I'd get a call from my grandparents around a birthday or Christmas, but I never had it in me to answer. For some reason, I did this past Christmas and had a sweet, albeit brief talk with my grandma. Maybe it was just me being stupidly hopeful again, but there was something there, even if she didn't know how to say it. She ended the call asking me to stay in touch, even doing the whole "we don't know how much time we have left" thing. But I didn't really feel much of anything, to be honest. And she hasn't reached out since, so I don't know. I mean, I do know, but still.

I follow a couple of my cousins on various socials, so I see their posts about family gatherings from time to time, and every time, the group gets a little smaller, mostly those from my generation. Some of it I know is just because of life, other families, all that, but part of me suspects that they're just tired of it. Don't get me wrong- all of them, save a couple, are too religious and probably too Republican to fully admit the error of their ways, but I think deep down they know, or are just tired of the constant negativity and battle.

Point in all this is- I agree with the notion that you can't live just to educate others. Education is a two-way street, and there has to be traffic on both sides. Even if they don't know how to drive, you can get them somewhere if they accept the ride. But some folks sit in their car in the garage and think they've gone somewhere. Same with toxic fandom; I've quit- or come close to- being a fan of or collecting certain things just because the fan base was awful, even to the point that I couldn't even find solitary joy in it either.
 
Damn. Now I'm thinking of a quote from "The Water Boy"... "Arent all moms the same"??? which isn't probably good in this context.

All I can say is when any of my questionable relatives pass and the family asks for help with the funeral costs... I'm happy to anti up and buy the gravestone... But I've told em... my money my epitaph. I get the last word.

But.. on topic... I peaked years ago... literally was collecting so much stuff so many lines I had to rent storage units that I had displays in...
eventually I decided to refocus and sold a lot of it on eBay... if I broke even I was doing good, but I still like reading at least one comic book a month... and pretty much I focus on ML but mostly because other properties just fizzled out.

Bottom line is if you enjoy it, find a way to carry on, even greatly diminished.
 
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