Oh, my newest adventure in eBaydom.
*Sigh*.
This fucking guy. First of all, he purchased something from an old account that I didn't even know was still active, let alone had stuff listed.
But he purchases a big lot of figures for 650 bucks and shipping. I tell him that I'm more than happy to sell him the stuff, but that old account is wonky, it says I owe a balance that I know I don't owe, so if he'd like the items, I'd be more than happy to sell them to him on my other account.
He immediately sends a cancellation request, and tells me that his 6 year old son purchased this without his permission.
I...somehow...have a hard time buying that.
But okay. I tell him I would love to cancel it, however, the funds are currently sitting on hold until everything is shipped and delivered (again, because I haven't used this account in probably two years) and I do not have access to them, and eBay is trying to force me to pay them for that fee out of pocket (that again, I know I do not owe--and how it wasn't sent to collections by now is beyond me).
So, to avoid paying out of pocket, he is going to need to open a case on his end.
In the meantime, I contact three separate eBay agents AND a supervisor via chat to request that they just cancel the transaction altogether and avoid the fee. They tell me that they are unable to do that, but I can just refund him (apparently not listening when I tell them that's not going to be an option until they figure this fee thing out), or just ship it to the buyer. Just ship it to the buyer? That is so stupid, I inform them. When I know you could just cancel the whole thing, but whatever. I worked at eBay, I know the workarounds.
I inform him of all of this, again, telling him to open the case, and he tells me that he'll do just that.
Flash forward the next night, I get an email from this dumbfuck freaking out on me. He *demands* that I "just hit the cancel button", and that no agent would tell me just to ship the item.
I send him a screenshot of the funds being held, I send him the chat text that shows agents telling me to ship the item, and I show him the cancellation screen, where it is saying I need to pay out of pocket.
Conversation copy and pasted, I swear to you all that this is legit verbatim this conversation between us, including all of his God awful grammar:
Jackass: "The e bay gentleman said you sound like you are just trying to get a sale and not have it canceled. They never told you you should refund the money. I will be contacting my jag lawyer next"
Me: "I spoke to 3 separate people, including a supervisor. Now we are reaching the point of this being a problem, because you're accusing me of lying.
YOUR kid screwed up. Not me. I JUST showed you that the money is on hold. I showed you a picture. So save your threats. I have told you what you need to do to get your money back, and I'm not paying you out of pocket because you can't watch your kid".
:::I proceed to show him the chat log that corroborates everything I've told him:::
Me: "What does that say right there? The 4th line down?"
Jackass: "How do I know that is ebay. I called them and they said you should call them and they can help you.
I am 100% disabled veteran with a purple heart. Why do you think it is okay not to just canceled it. I can went for a refund"
Rick's Note: I could not possibly roll my eyes back further into my head. I am not someone who gets all in his feelings over the troops to begin with, so that when someone tries to pull that shit, it makes me want to help you even less.
Me: "IT'S A CHAT LOG FROM EVERY EBAY CHAT. Good God, dude. Use your brain for two seconds. Is it possible, heck, even PROBABLE that someone doesn't know what they're talking about? Here is what I see when I try to cancel. I'm not trying to pay you money out of my own pocket-- for money I don't have access to. I showed you the picture of the funds on hold. I showed you a picture of the chat log. So if you feel you need to threaten me with lawyers, you go right ahead.
And frankly, I don't care if you are Jesus. You are the jerk threatening me with lawyers and fraudulent charges when I've been doing nothing but trying to get this solved for you."
Jackass: "I was watching my kid and you are a rude inconsiderate person.
I had to poop 
just like you and everyone else it happened in a minute"
Rick's Note: Y'all, on everything I love, this fucker said this.
Me: "I don't care. That's not my problem. I did my part. I'm not paying you out of my pocket. And I sure as hell am not going to go out of my way to help someone who wants to call me a liar when I have been nothing but upfront with you. Now leave me alone and figure this out yourself. You and your kid caused the problem, now you can figure out a way to fix it".
Jackass: "It is fraud because I have proof of it being a 6 year old child".
Rick's Note: One, how could you possibly prove that it was a 6 year old that made the purchase? You literally could not. And secondly, it's not fraud, ya dumb fuck. Because someone in the household made the purchase. Someone hit "Buy It Now". Someone put in confirm purchase, and that someone PAID. It's not like I hacked your account. Fucking moron. That's not fraud. And as a seller, I am under zero obligation to give you a refund or cancellation because you, in all actuality, have buyer's remorse.
Me: "Well, its a good thing eBay covers fraud then, huh, stupid?"
Jackass: "I am reporting you and writing a bad review"
Me: I don't care. You're an idiot.
Jackass: "You are stupid.
You're the idiot.
You are calling names."
Me: "Yep. Bye"
And BLOCKED.
I denied his cancellation, and await his "Item Not Received" case. Like I told him to do in the first fucking place.
