G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

The Eel one is one of the few I remember for some reason so I knew exactly what you were going with there. Very cool, they were my first two Cobras after I went all-in on the line, and I have them by each other on the shelf so I'm very happy with today's cards!
 
Ru1977 said:
The Eel one is one of the few I remember for some reason so I knew exactly what you were going with there. Very cool, they were my first two Cobras after I went all-in on the line, and I have them by each other on the shelf so I'm very happy with today's cards!
Click to expand...
The OG Eel design was one of those figures I loved as a kid and was like "why he gotta be a bad guy?" I love how Classified just kind of improved on the old design.
 
He was clearly a bad guy though, look at how furrowed his brows were!

Also, getting back to guys who look neat without their helmet on, I kinda want to get another Eel head to put on someone because unhelmeted looks cool too.
 
Chooch555 said:
I was thinking the Eel card was kind of ho hum until the last line. @docsilence you are a diabolical genius.
Click to expand...
I REALLY struggled to find a reason to write up the Eels. What the heck do Cobra divers have to do with the administration? And then I checked out their OG file card and was like orrrr maybe they are part of a hostile takeover of our coastline...
Damien said:
Excellent, as always. I am now way too invested in the horror side of G.I. Joe that, to my mind, didn't exist until these filecards.
Click to expand...
Looking back the Cobra La stuff is such wild body horror that it doesn't feel like it belongs in GI Joe but really, so much of what Cobra's doing, the body modifications, the mind control, etc., is soft horror and then you've got tentacle kings and bio-mechanical kinky monsters out of nowhere in the movie and here we are. Though really my inspo for the horror started with whatever the hell inspired Classified to go so hard with Crystal Ball.
 
docsilence said:
Code Name: Snow Serpent Commander
File Name: Redacted
Primary Military Specialty: Arctic Operations
Secondary Military Specialty: Infantry
Birthplace: Redacted
Rank: Cobra Trooper Mark 3

Subject is the only survivor of an off-the-books operation ordered by President Lewis to a remote location in the Himalayas. The Snow Serpent Commander in question was able to temporarily reprogram an Arctic BAT to help him make his way back down the mountain after the wholesale slaughter of his squad. Footage recovered from the BAT is classified top secret as are all commentary from interviews with the commanding officer upon his return. President Lewis is insistent that once the Snow Serpent Commander is recovered well enough from his injuries - he also sustained hypothermia and frostbite on his return journey - the officer lead a second expedition to the site. The Snow Serpent Commander has put in a request for retirement, which has been denied.

"I've been to the ends of the Earth. Places where I swear to God men and my men, we were the only human beings to ever tread our heels on that soil and snow. I've heard whistles in the dark night. Babies crying where no babies should ever be. I swear I've heard voices call my name at high altitudes, when the oxygen is low and you start to hear and see things that aren't there. I shake off haints and goblins better than anyone. I know an oxygen-deprivation hallucination when I see one. That thing that came out of the mountain was no vision. It was meat and bone and claw and wing and it tore my men apart like a dog worrying a squirrel to death. But it wasn't no monster. No, I looked that thing in the eyes. I saw a human face staring back at me. Too big, yeah, with thick bones and teeth that gleamed in the moonlight, but it was a man. And it was not alone. No, it was a harbinger. You can't make me go back there. I've seen hell and it arrives on beating leather wings. I won't go. What's that? Yeah I have a daughter, why... Oh I'll kill you if you..." [The interview cuts out at this point.]
Click to expand...
Holy Shit
 
Code Name: Frag-Viper
File Name: Various
Primary Military Specialty: Grenade Assault Operations
Secondary Military Specialty: Explosive Ordinance
Birthplace: Various
Rank: Cobra Viper Mark 2

Officially, members of Viper Squad 7R46 were killed in action during an operation in Sierra Gordo. Mercenaries all, no honors were given and no tears were shed. Members of an international terrorist organization, few, if any, had messages sent home to families confirming their deaths. Their bodies were left in unmarked graves, carrion as forgotten soldiers often are. Unofficially, the bodies of Viper Squad 7R46 were retrieved and turned over to Dr. Mindbender's laboratory as fodder for a black-label experiment. After the mediocre effectiveness of the BAT program, Mindbender looked at ways to make use of organic material to supplement the robotics used in the BATs. The 7R46 unit provided that organic material. Vipers who were dead on arrival proved to be failures; but any with some remaining brain activity were successful implanted with control chips, their bodies refurbished through grafts and engineered organs. More manageable and responsive than BATs and easier to conceal among civilian populations, these new Frag-Vipers are shaping up to become a combat unit of the future. Mindbender considers them to be an early success.

"You can tell they're still in there somewhere, when you talk to them. Their voices are hollow, their eyes are dark and empty, but sometimes, when you're looking at one, when you're issuing a Frag-Viper orders, there's a flicker, a spark of the man they once were. But it's not a good feeling. Nah, I prefer the psychopathic unpredictability of the BATs to the Frag-Vipers. At least with the BATs you know it's just a robot. But with the Frag-Vipers, you can see that man's soul trapped in limbo behind those artificial eyes. And that soul is screaming, screaming to be released from the prison Mindbender put them in. Do me a favor - if I'm ever mortally wounded in combat? Put one right through my brain pan. Don't leave any scraps for Mindbender to bolt onto one of his Frankenstein monstrosities.”
 
Last edited:
Code Name: Heavy Duty (Disavowed)
File Name: Morris, Lamont A.
Primary Military Specialty: Laser Weapons Systems Operator (11H)
Secondary Military Specialty: indirect Fire Infantryman (11C)
Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois
Rank: E-5

Subject returned to his hometown of Chicago after accepting early retirement from the GI Joe Unit. The Lewis administration has maintained consistent surveillance on him due to his unique expertise; several defense contractors and weapons manufacturers, including MARS, have tendered offers to Morris as a consultant, hoping to make use of his experience with pinpoint-accurate, laser-guided weapons. He has turned down all offers, however, and is currently teaching music in the Chicago Public School System while working toward an advanced degree in music theory. Agents have found that Morris intends to teach music at the college level once he has obtains his Masters.

"We could really use Heavy Duty right now, but you gotta respect a man who decides to choose art over war. That's how he put it when I was chatting with him right after this all went down. He used to philosophize about how his classical guitar skills and his laser targeting skills used the same muscle memory, the same talents, and he said he regrets that now. He told me 'I'm going home to learn the blues.' I said I thought you played guitar? And he says 'classically trained. Methodical. Mechanical. I want to pour some of the pain I learned to cause into my music instead of into weapons.' I don't completely buy it, though. He and Big Lob are up to something. Chicago's a hub for trouble. But I also saw him play one night at Rosa's Lounge and... yeah. He found the blues."
 
The Frag Viper was a surprising bummer. Was the commentary from Bludd, or a regular Viper?

And daaaaaaaamn I loved the Heavy Duty one. Yes! Part of me is kinda surprised it took 124 cards before mentioning the Blues!
 
Ru1977 said:
The Frag Viper was a surprising bummer. Was the commentary from Bludd, or a regular Viper?

And daaaaaaaamn I loved the Heavy Duty one. Yes! Part of me is kinda surprised it took 124 cards before mentioning the Blues!
Click to expand...
But the Frag Vipers are a success story! :)

And it took me a while to get to Heavy Duty because so often he was used interchangeably with Roadblock but he really has a very different backstory. The choice to make him a classical guitarist against stereotype for a kid from Chicago put a nice spin on the old material.

Chooch555 said:
No one gets out of here without singing the blues.
Click to expand...
They most certainly do not. My sister watched that movie about a billion times when we were kids, I could probably recite it from memory.

(I spent too much time in blues clubs in my early 20s. Gawd I miss being young.)
 
docsilence said:
But the Frag Vipers are a success story! :)
Click to expand...
Well, depends on who you ask! That commentary says otherwise.

movie-comedy.gif


docsilence said:
And it took me a while to get to Heavy Duty because so often he was used interchangeably with Roadblock but he really has a very different backstory. The choice to make him a classical guitarist against stereotype for a kid from Chicago put a nice spin on the old material.
Click to expand...
Agreed. I love that. He's the flipside of Keb Mo, the kid from Compton who plays Blues instead of Hip Hop.

images

docsilence said:
They most certainly do not. My sister watched that movie about a billion times when we were kids, I could probably recite it from memory.
Click to expand...
I did not see it a billion times, but definitely a few. When half the house was sick this last weekend, I quoted this to my wife:

images

docsilence said:
(I spent too much time in blues clubs in my early 20s. Gawd I miss being young.)
Click to expand...
Ah man, back when I played guitar, which I have done less and less as the kids get older, I pretty much only played blues. I miss that...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top