G.I. Joe Head Canon & Fanfic Filecards

Code Name: Professor Rottclaw
File Name: Killgore, Crispin
Primary Military Specialty: Paleontology
Secondary Military Specialty: Genetic Engineering
Birthplace: Johannesburg, South Africa
Rank: N/A

When President Lewis was elected, one of his campaign promises was to bring America to the cutting edge of science. Some of that is through aerospace engineering and technology to keep our borders safe, but President Lewis also wants to be the leader who brings America into the next level of scientific advancement, to do things only thought possible in film before. This is why he has, through a first-of-its-kind executive order, created the Genetic Marvels program. The first recipient of funding through this new program is Professor Crispin Killgore, a world-renowned geneticist and paleontologist and his project to bring extinct species back to life. Today, we announce his first success: bringing the Deinonychus antirrhopus back to life. More lethal than guard dogs and cheaper than robots or drones, these 'terrible lizards' will soon be deployed on the frontlines. Lewis's America: using the past to defend the future.

"Lewis could never resist a mad scientist with an even madder idea, and frankly, it surprises me it took this long for Co - I'm sorry, for President Lewis to fund an absolute nightmare of a science experiment like this. We coddled him with Croc Master and his guard crocodiles. We played along with every nightmare-inducing vehicle or gadget he dreamed up. We funded the Buzz Boar, for pity's sake. But this - introducing an extinct predator we know nothing about, created by a narcissist with a scale fetish. And this doesn't even touch upon what Mindbender is doing with the data he's siphoning off of Killgore's research, claiming it's now proprietary government property. And then there's the creatures themselves. They seem docile enough, but I've watched them in their enclosure, the way they look at the staff, the cold, calculating killers' eyes they all have, just waiting for an opportunity to strike..."
 
Code Name: Hydro-Viper
File Name: Various
Primary Military Specialty: Underwater Demolitions
Secondary Military Specialty: Marine Engineering
Birthplace: Various
Rank: Cobra Trooper Rank 3

[EYES ONLY] It will be in our best interest to limit how much the public knows about the Hydro-Viper program. At some point they will find out about the former Cobra Eels we have operating off the Florida coastline, but that PR nightmare would be a sweet dream compared to what happens if the public finds out we have the equivalent of mutant Navy SEALs on the payroll. That being said, the survivors of the transformation are perfectly poised to be our new secret weapon. They can survive aquatic conditions no unmodified human can, and due to the nature of their transformation, they cannot go back to their former lives - they are, in essence, permanently in our employ. Let's make the best use of them we can.

"There's the story everyone is told, and there's the story that is true. If you ask Mindbender, he'll tell you these men are deliberately genetically modified - they can withstand nitrogen narcosis, have subcutaneous fat injections to protect them from the temperatures of deep water. Their eyes have been modified so they can see better underwater than on dry land. They've got webbing surgically attached between their fingers. That's the normal story they're telling. That's how bad the real one is. The truth is, the Hydro-Vipers are survivors of a deep ocean expedition, personally ordered by Lewis based on a vision Crystal Ball told him about. They were looking for some weapon, some cursed eldritch object Lewis wanted. They found it. But it wasn't a weapon. Or at least not the type of weapon any human ever made. All the divers came back wrong, No longer fully human. They started getting patches of scales. The transformation isn't even the worst part. The worst part is the story they told when they got back, about the voice they heard in the depths, chanting in a language no one has ever heard before, crying out to be born..."
 
Holy shit but that Killgore one is brilliant. It's just thoroughly well thought out. I don't care if it took you ten seconds to plot that out, it's just spot on. It's just yet another well crafted commentary on NOW. And of course love the Buzz Boar shout-out. Is that Baroness?

docsilence said:
that PR nightmare would be a sweet dream
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Don't you mean... wet... dream? Uh huh huh huh....
 
And man the Hydro-Viper one was perfect too. I love the science horror for both of these, but that's not even the real story?! Man they're even worse than we thought! I really love all the mystical stuff Lewis is into, and kinda the Hitler-looking-for-supernatural-weapons concept too. He's got all the keys and he's gonna grab everything he can as fast as he can.
 
As someone that actually isn't really interested in the whole 'let's add dinosaurs to G.I. Joe' thing pretty much at all.... that filecard is fucking unhinged in the best way and makes the concept somehow completely believable. I'm surprised you resisted the urge to point out that the raptors would be -smarter- than machines, rather than cheaper.

Hydro-Viper is perfect and super creepy. It's not just body horror - it's pure psychological horror. These dudes are not only trapped in these new bodies, but can never go home again. They chose evil and were forced to not just trade their humanity, but any semblance of ever being able to live a semi-normal life ever again. Just -knowing- that you've become basically disposable in a very real way; that you don't even exist anymore. That gives me the ick.
 
Damien said:
As someone that actually isn't really interested in the whole 'let's add dinosaurs to G.I. Joe' thing pretty much at all.... that filecard is fucking unhinged in the best way and makes the concept somehow completely believable. I'm surprised you resisted the urge to point out that the raptors would be -smarter- than machines, rather than cheaper.

Hydro-Viper is perfect and super creepy. It's not just body horror - it's pure psychological horror. These dudes are not only trapped in these new bodies, but can never go home again. They chose evil and were forced to not just trade their humanity, but any semblance of ever being able to live a semi-normal life ever again. Just -knowing- that you've become basically disposable in a very real way; that you don't even exist anymore. That gives me the ick.
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I love the absolute silliness of Cobra dinosaurs, but also wanted to be like "how do you make this feel viscerally different from cloning Serpentor?" And really - make it gauche. It's a side show attraction with teeth, created by narcissistic madmen.

If I were writing this as a long-form comic, there would come a day when the transhuman hydro-viper mutants rebel, return to the sea and never come back.
 
WrathofTaco said:
I enjoy the counterpoint to the Frag Vipers, who are trapped in what they've become, and the Hydro Vipers, who will probably grow beyond what they were. Getting to read these is quickly becoming one of my favorite parts of the day.
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I'm really enjoying trying to bring an element of horror to the weird vipers so they have more pathos to them - I want them to be more than just bad guys with guns, but also weirdly scary.
 
Code Name: Zanya
File Name: Unknown
Primary Military Specialty: Sabotage
Secondary Military Specialty: Intelligence
Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois
Rank: N/A

Subject is currently under the same level of surveillance normally reserved for former GI Joe Unit veterans. While most of the Dreadnoks, after President Lewis cut ties with the biker gang, moved on to a life of indolent, if benign, violence and minor criminality, the daughter of Zartan appears to be more motivated to elevate her station in life. We also believe that Zanya is in touch with her father and may be the key to our locating him and, if necessary, eliminating the entire family. She spends time with the remaining Dreadnoks members, but does not appear to be a dedicated gang member, coming and going like the wind. Agents are urged to use all precautions while dealing with her.

"There is nothing more elemental than the rage of a broken little girl. Hell hath no fury to match one, and she will go where no man or woman dares tread. My brother does not regret much. His ignorance to Zanya's existence for so long is one such rare regret, and, perhaps to his detriment, he will do nearly anything to make up for that lost time. He does not coddle her so much as do everything he can to bring out the best in her, and by best I mean those parts of her most like him. And she worships the ground he walks on. She sees in him all the things her life before the Dreadnoks failed to provide - freedom, ferocity, the fear of her enemies. I would say he has remade her in his own image, but that's not fair - she has, in so many ways, strived to remake herself as such. I love her and hate her in all the same ways I do my brother. He has never made it easy, and neither has she, but at the end of all things we only have each other."
 
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